How to deal with parents divorce in your 20s is a complicated question to answer. The consequences may differ from case to case.
The method of dealing isn’t one size fits all. Just remember it is okay not to be okay.
Even if your parents want you to recover fast from the loss, the mourning process can take a long time. It’s a significant event, and you have every right to be outraged, furious, disappointed, sad, and perplexed.
Parents getting divorced does not become easier just because you are an adult with a life of your own. It can leave you with a severe, long-lasting emotional scar for the rest of your life. Because you’re an adult child of divorce, you’re not immune to the hurt and pain.
For a young adult, the pain is just as intense as it is for a young child (or teen). It feels like you’re in the middle of a raging hurricane, regardless of your age.
What happens once the news has been broadcast?
You and your parents trade positions, and you play the role of the reasonable parent, while your parents play the role of bickering adolescents.
How To Deal With Parents Divorcing in Your 20s
Deal with parents separating can feel like the end of an important phase in your life, a devastating blow to your family. Being a child of divorce, whether amicable or acrimonious, might compel you to confront guilt and other sentiments.
When that happens, it appears to some people in their twenties that there isn’t much sympathy for them.
Even though your life should be in order at that point, the divorce can leave you feeling unsettled. If your parents divorce while you’re a small child, it becomes the standard for you.
However, if you’re pregnant, engaged, or preparing to interview for a job, your parents’ turmoil will cause you unnecessary stress.
You might wonder why it took your parents so long to call it quits, recalling times when things didn’t seem quite right, as if they were concealing something. However, if they truly do not love each other, divorce is preferable to staying together. You just need to accept it.
People, especially your beloved mother and father, want you to take the news in stride and move on as if it were nothing. After all, you’re an adult now, with your own life.
What they don’t tell you is that if you’re an adult child of divorce, it can leave a legacy of hurt and upheaval in your wake that has far-reaching implications. You’re not protected from the pain as you would have been as a youngster; in fact, you’re there in the middle of it.
Not to mention the ‘role reversal‘ that occurs practically as soon as the cat is out of the bag — you become the responsible adult, while your placid parents become squabbling children.
Dealing With Parents Divorce
It’s perfectly acceptable to be baffled by this news, as it presumably indicates the couple’s 20-plus-year marriage is coming to an end. You have a limited amount of time to scream, wail, and kick like a child.
You start to consider every part of their marriage (that you were aware of) in an attempt to figure out what was genuine and what was just for your benefit. But let’s not lose hope and follow the steps mentioned below to reduce your pain and cope with parents divorce.
- Try to accept the fact: You’re an adult now, which means that if you have a temper tantrum, you’ll only be able to hold it for a short period of time before moving on. Your entire family’s existence is going to change, including your traditions.
Allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the shock as long as you remember to breathe and stand up. Personally, I propose going for a long stroll to think over.
- Do not try to know the reason for divorce at the start: It’s none of your business why your parents’ marriage fell apart, and you certainly don’t want to hear the details. You should concentrate on taking actions toward mending rather than dwelling on the truth of their intimate undoing.
These jumbled details will keep you from moving on since they will only take you back in time to moments you can’t change or undo.
Set some healthy limits with your parents if they have a habit of oversharing with you, and don’t be scared to do so. This is a difficult procedure for you as well, and the information may cause you to reconsider one or both of your parents.
- Be angry at your parents: Be angry with your parents, but only for a short time. It’s OK to be frustrated, but don’t target your rage at the wrong person. Use it to do something beneficial, such as exercise, or examine your connections, friendships, and family ties. Allow your rage to fuel your determination and success.
Do you want to lose that last ten pounds? Are you looking for a new job?
Keep yourself occupied without disregarding the discomfort you’re experiencing. Keep an eye on your emotions and engage in activities that will help you feel better.
- Manage your emotions: You may experience a rush of emotions as a result of the divorce. Prepare for a changed status quo, whether you expected or desired your parents to divorce.
It’ll be easy to convince yourself that you’re too old to be upset about it, but you won’t be able to go on if you suppress your feelings. Confusion, dread, regret, rage, and other emotions are normal for people of all ages.
Although your friends and family may not know what to say, bouncing ideas off them can help you process the split.
Getting an explanation from both parents can help put things in perspective, even if it’s difficult to hear. Not all divorces are straightforward, with victims and villains.
So don’t be theatrical, make snap judgments, or say things you’ll come to regret.
Don’t pick a conflict with either parent because you’re petty. It’s likely that they’re dealing with their own issues.
- Don’t Take Sides: Listen to both sides, but don’t get drawn into the debate. After all, you’re still a kid. Listen peacefully and try to understand the intentions of both your parents and take your time to understand your future circumstances, and learn to accept your situation. If you think the situation can be reconciled, ask your parents to go for counseling; otherwise, don’t pressure them to get together.
- Heal with time: It’s critical to have open channels of communication with both parents. Although it may be uncomfortable, you have the right to express your thoughts and feelings, especially if they have directly harmed you.
Because your parents are hurting as well, be patient and choose your words carefully. Working through this difficult time as a family will make life simpler for you all in the long term, especially as your lives alter.
As absurd as it may sound, this will become easier with time, and your new lifestyles will begin to resemble a new normal.
How Parents Can Help You Cope
To deal with parents divorce in your 20s is difficult for a family at any age; even parents understand it. Their understanding and way of handling the situation post-divorce might help their child face the consequences positively.
Parents can help their children in coping up with the divorce situation in the following ways:
- They need to tell their child about the divorce in the most amicable way possible.
- They need to prepare and discuss how to stay after the divorce and ask their children if they are comfortable.
- The best thing is to see a happy environment while growing up; thus, parents should make such an environment in front of their children after getting a divorce. It might help the children to recover from the post-divorce situation.
- Showing love, care and affection should be the priority of the parents after confronting the child about their divorce.
- As we know, the news of divorce will come as a shock for a 20-year-old child; thus, parents should try to understand their child and give them as much space as possible during the recovery period.
- Parents should always keep in mind that if the child is unable to express emotions in front of them, they should ask the child’s friends to talk to them or send their child for therapy sessions, whichever option they are comfortable with.
- These are the most difficult years of the child’s life without question. They might get insulated from the feelings, the rage, and the rejection. Thus, understanding them and letting them do what they might help in the recovering process.
- Parents should not lose their former selves and not pretend as this happens all the time; instead, they should learn and understand that every situation is different and every child is different.
- Parents should always keep in mind that they should never put children in a situation of “pick and choose.” They should always see what will be best and are comfortable for their child.
- Lastly and the most important thing is that divorce should never get acrimonious.
In conclusion, counseling might be an excellent solution to cope with parents divorce.
Further, we conclude the following:
- Dealing with parents separating can feel like the end of an important phase in your life, a devastating blow to your family.
- You start to consider every part of their marriage (that you were aware of) in an attempt to figure out what was genuine and what was just for your benefit. But pursue therapy to heal.
- You may experience a rush of emotions as a result of the divorce. So, prepare for a changed status quo, whether you expected or desired your parents to divorce.
- It’s critical to have open channels of communication with both parents.
After reading this article, we hope that children may be able to cope with their parent’s divorce in their 20s.
- Paying Child Support Without a Court Order: Is an Agreement Valid? - January 12, 2022
- What Is Pendente Lite Relief and What Can You Expect From It? - January 11, 2022
- Irreconcilable Differences: Detailed Explanation With Examples - January 11, 2022