A bird nesting divorce should be in consideration if you are separating from your partner and have kids.
This is becoming a popular way for parents to prioritize their children and make sure they are settled during this change in their lives.
But, you have to make sure you understand bird nesting before choosing this option. Let’s look at what you need to know about a nesting separation.
What Is Bird Nesting Divorce?
Bird nesting is a type of co-parenting you can agree to take on when you divorce your husband or wife. It is a way for children to live in the same marital home for years, but the parents take turns living in the house with them. When one parent is living in the family home, the other will live somewhere else. Then, they will switch places.
Often, a nesting separation will mean that the parents agree to rent another apartment or home. This is going to give the parents a place to live when they are outside of the marital home. This is a separation trend that will mean compromising and making agreements with the other parents. So, its success can depend on whether you are on good terms with your partner during the divorce.
– What Are the Benefits?
One of the benefits of a Divorce Nesting Agreement is that the children have one family home, which can provide consistency in their lives. In other words, they can enjoy continuity despite their parents breaking up.
Another advantage of bird nesting is that all of your child’s belongings do not move either. So, they are going to have their personal possessions, school work, and supplies in one house. This avoids the inevitable act of forgetting something that they need when they are switching constantly between two parents’ homes.
What’s more, children are not going to have two of everything. This is often a tactic that happens when there is a mother’s home and a father’s home. The child ends up having two televisions or two sets of sports equipment. With bird nesting, this can be more affordable and mean that children learn to have their personal possessions and not get spoiled because the parents are divorced.
There are many advantages to nesting after a divorce, which means that it is becoming a popular option for parents with young children. In particular, there is often the fear that a divorce will lead to a ‘broken home.’ It is important to remember that divorce is not just hard on the two people that were married.
Children often feel a lot of sadness, anger, and confusion when their parents split up. Offering them security in their family home and familiar surroundings can bring some comfort during a difficult time.
– What Are the Disadvantages?
Constant Presence in Your Marital Home
One of the main disadvantages of nesting after divorce is the act of moving in and out of a marital home can be quite an burdenl for the parents. You are going to be constantly living between two houses, and this is not always something that is comfortable or enjoyable for a person.
There is also the consideration that a divorce might be your opportunity for another chance at life. In other words, you get to start again and leave your ex-partner behind. Well, this is not something that can happen when you are constantly moving in and out of the home you shared together. You are likely to see each other and their belongings. You may feel like you can never forget about them or get away from them even after a divorce.
Discussing Financial Contributions
Arguments can arise about things like household bills when it comes to bird nesting. Think about it; you are both going to be sharing the home, and there is no way to tell how someone can pay for the electricity they use or even food bills. It can get complicated, and you may argue about how much each person should contribute to the household bills of the home.
Lack of Privacy
Some people will not be comfortable with the lack of privacy in a bird nesting arrangement. For example, you may both have to use the same bedroom when you are staying in the home. You could feel like you have no privacy and that your belongings are seen by the other person. This might be the last thing you want if you are starting a new relationship or want to stay away from your ex-partner.
Situations Where a Child Would Not Benefit From a Bird Nesting Divorce
There will be some situations where children will not respond well to living in the same home after a divorce. In particular, a child might react negatively if they feel like a lot of memories are in that house. For example, if they have grown up in that house with both of their parents there, it can be painful for things to change.
Children Being Overwhelmed by the Process
Some children simply are overwhelmed by the divorce process. The thought of having their loving family home adapted to this new situation might not work. Perhaps they have a lot of happy memories as a family, and now that only one parent is there at a time, it hurts to live in that house.
Children’s Attachment to the Marital Home
You need to think about your child’s attachment to the marital home. While some children adapt fine, others feel like it is a constant reminder of what life used to be like and how it has changed now. If you feel like your child is going to be sad, then a bird nesting divorce might not be the right route to go down.
Children’s Non-Involvement in the Decision Making
Remember that you can also talk to your child. Many parents make the mistake of trying to do the best for their kids but without asking what they are going to be comfortable with. You can propose the suggestion of them living in the same home and the parents taking it in turns to live there too. You are going to know by their reaction what they are comfortable with.
– Is There a Time Limit When It Comes to Nesting?
No, there is no specific time limit when bird nesting is taking place. This is going to be an arrangement that is personal to the partners and the children involved in the marriage. It will be what works best for the kids and their needs.
For example, there are some couples that choose nesting during divorce. In other words, they co-parent in this way while they are going through the divorce process. Since this can be a long process, this could take several months. This may help children adapt to only having one parent around but still in a familiar environment.
However, this is not to say that you cannot continue to nest after divorce. Divorced parents sharing a house is something that can happen and might even last for years. Again, the most important thing is that children feel comfortable with this arrangement, and it benefits their emotional wellbeing.
– Is a Bird Nesting Plan the Same as a Parenting Plan?
No, a bird nesting plan can be different from a parenting plan. In particular, it is still recommended to create a parenting plan if you plan to nest. This is going to set out what time each person spends with the children and what days they are going to see them.
Parenting plans are also going to be important if you ever decide to stop bird nesting after a divorce. They will set out what each parent can expect and help maintain a relationship between parents and their children.
On the other hand, nesting plans are going to contain what a parent’s duties will be when they are in the marital home and perhaps what they can do outside of this home. It can be as detailed as you want it to be and may cover what rooms a parent can use or what they are going to pay for.
– Are There Studies That Prove Bird Nesting Is Better for Children?
There have been no specific studies carried out that involve children and being part of a nesting plan with their divorcing parents. However, research has shown that children adapt well to divorce when they are in an environment that is calm, familiar, and low-conflict.
It is suggested that for some children, being in a home that does not change can help them adapt to everything around them. Parents separating can be hard for children that do not understand why it is happening.
If you are considering nesting, it may be best to try it out for a short period of time first. This way, you can see if it is going to be beneficial for your child. You can ask them how you feel about this arrangement and try it out first. Of course, they may feel like it is an excellent way to have both parents around in their lives.
Alternatively, the last thing you want is for your children to become confused about what is going on. In other words, they may hope that you are going to get back together with your partner at some point or that this is only a temporary idea. You have to explain what is going on to them and try to create an understanding.
– Is Nesting Only for Younger Children?
No, there is no defined age that birdnesting custody is designed for. In other words, you can choose to take on nesting parenting with your ex-husband or ex-wife if you feel like it is going to be the best option for your family. This means that you can choose to create this type of support for young children, as well as kids that are up to 18 years old.
It is thought that bird nesting may be more beneficial for younger children. They are less likely to understand what their parent’s divorce means. They can become confused by the changes that are happening and not understand what this is going to mean in the future. So, bird nesting can be a way to keep them in their house and a familiar environment until they are at an age where they can understand a divorce.
But, this is not to say that bird nesting is not beneficial for older children. If they are very family orientated and you want to make sure that it stays that way even when you and your parents are divorced, a nesting separation could be beneficial.
Do you think that bird nesting could be an option in your divorce?
There can be benefits to this arrangement, as well as it being an agreement that might not work for every family.
Let’s summarize what we know about bird nesting so that you can decide whether it is the best option for you and your children:
- Bird nesting is a way to co-parent with your spouse when you are divorcing, and it means the children live in the marital home.
- A bird nesting plan can differ from a parenting plan and is more focused on who will live in the house and when, as well as their duties during that time.
- Nesting can be beneficial for children under 18, but many believe it is specifically good for younger children that need both of their parents around.
- But bird nesting can also be about keeping the family together and making sure everyone spends quality time with each other.
- Bird nesting will involve interaction with your spouse, which means that the arrangement works better for couples who can be amicable and friendly.
Often, children can be forgotten about in the storm of a divorce. Bird nesting may be a positive way to allow them to be the center of proceedings and make sure they remain happy and secure when big changes are happening around them. Just ensure that you plan your bird nesting divorce so everyone knows what it involves.
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