Frequently Asked Questions about Family Counseling during Divorce

Why does the divorce process get more and more stressful and depressing?
Each spouse must realize that it is his or her responsibility to bury the hostility. A mature spouse is able to recognize this and move forward in his or her life, even though this is never an easy achievement.

Why is the divorce process so long?
Actually, it does not have to be very long at all. The time it takes from separation to settlement depends on the actions of the spouses. Divorce is not a game;  but if one plays it as though it were, one should prepare to go the extra rounds.

Why do some spouses treat the divorce process like a game?
This usually occurs when one spouse is not in favor of the divorce or the impending outcome of such. It is an act of postponement and usually provokes the other spouse into playing games as well. A mature spouse will recognize this and refuse to play.

What fears do most women have about divorce?
Women are worried about securing custody and maintaining financial stability. Financial stability will lead to a higher self-esteem, which can make the healing process much faster and easier.

What fears do most men have about divorce?
Men are primarily worried about losing assets, which can decrease their self- esteem, and thus make the healing process slower and more difficult.

Why do parents hide their emotions?
Parents have a tendency to hide emotions of regret and anger, because they do not want their children to see them in this type of emotional state. While this idea is very noble, keeping emotions bottled up inside only lets them fester and grow.

How does one know when to seek counseling?
Many experts feel that this should be the very first thing that spouses do, but in reality, this does not happen very often. Usually, spouses attempt to work things out on their own. As a good rule of thumb, it is better to seek counseling  early in the divorce process.

What does a counselor really have to offer?
A counselor is not a magician. However, it is his or her job to help family members recognize issues and combat them. Counselors assist in the prioritization of needs, which can lead to rational decision-making.

Why do children need counseling?
Parents often do not realize the difficult decisions that children are faced with during a divorce. Parents can exert undue pressures and influences on children without ever intending to or even realizing it. Children usually do not express how they truly feel to parents out of fear of disappointing them.

How expensive is counseling?
The expense of counseling can vary dramatically, depending on exactly what services are needed, and the manner in which they are applied. It is not uncommon for counselors to work within the client's budget.